her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
