eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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