I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
