When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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