Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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