thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
only you would photoshop your dick
she peed on how many people?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
