Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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