omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
