either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
