Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
