he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
