Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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