I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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