we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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