I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
