Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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