There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So here I am, sexting at work.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
