I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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