found the other keg... it's in the tree
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
