im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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