i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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