just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
