So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
