That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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