I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
