I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i think i just lost a toe
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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