I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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