Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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