He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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