hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
