Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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