The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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