My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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