Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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