Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
