dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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