I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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