final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
