Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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