Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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