We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
