dude i'm inner monologue high
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
