He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
