You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
