the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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