I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
