i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
