Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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