you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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