He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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