Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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