Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
