i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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