I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This is the high leading the old right now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
