Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
