I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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