This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
