Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
