They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
