this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
