ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
