I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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