Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
birth control should be required to get into college
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
