I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
