(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
