I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
