He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
