she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
