I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
