you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
