pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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