i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
