yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
