it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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