you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My life is pants optional.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize