are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
