My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So squirting runs in the family.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
