that's an acceptable place to lick
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
